Cars & Women

"I be ridin around by myself with da sun, da sun on my windows.

My fitted hat on, nice chain, and my Gucci.

I'd be ridin around see you goin to da game, walkin.

Would I get? Infinity coupe, you seen it with da drop top?"


"Long as it gets you from a to b, I had a 88 – you had to step on da gas 5 times before it get to speed. The gas was comin out the spark plugs.

I fixed the brakes and got it all taken care of, the next day they took it away from me."

"Why?"

"Cause it wasn't my license plates, I took someone else's plates and put em on my car cause I wanted to drive"



Crack taxi - "Call em rentals, give a cat a crack bag you'll ride all day"



"As long as you use your resources you can become a truck driver. I got felonies I can't be no truck driver"


Directed at me- "I bet if I met you on the street I could pull you as my woman."

"I been talking to this sista on facebook, she nice and thick, niiiice and thick"

Professional Relationships 101

I had to explain this to a client this morning.

Client: "I got you a pie"

Me: "I can't accept that"

Client "But its from McDonalds. McDonalds pie, I got it for you"

Me: "I can't accept a gift from a client. I have to keep a professional relationship with each client and accepting your gift would show favoritism"

Client: "You ain't my friend? I thought we was friends"

Me: "We have a professional relationship. I am not your friend."

Client: "Its professional buiznez. That's all you is, professional buiznez"

 

I feel like now is a good time to share with everyone the fact that about a month and a half after I started working in this industry (April 2008) I got to work one day and was minding my own business. A few hours later a flower delivery came to the office. The flowers were for me…I wasn't dating anyone, hadn't had a recent breakup or anything so I had no idea who they were from. I opened the card and all it said was "we don't get to work together too often but I really enjoy spending the time we do together." That's it unsigned…I went about my day, finally on my way home I noticed an order number on the envelope so I called the flower shop and persuaded the person to give me the name of the person who placed the order. Long story short, a client who was living in a homeless shelter sent me flowers. I obviously left the flowers at the office and let them die on top of a filing cabinet and ended up throwing the vase out a while later. Talk about freaky to have a homeless client as a "secret admirer."

 

Next random thing –

Sitting at my office doing some case notes and a man just walks in (I've never seen him before), stands in front of my desk, raises his arms like he were flexing. I give him a look like "umm hi?" points to his shirt that says "UNITY before chaos" on it and smiles, turns around and walks out. No idea what that was about.

Travel

I'm sort of sad that my client might be leaving. This client is looking to go back to another state where they're from and wanted to get some information on how to do that since they're homeless with no money. I gave the client the number to Travelers Aid and they made the call. When they were done with the call I got this question:

Client - "So Travelers Aid will aid me in traveling right?"
Me - "Um yeah, they're called Travelers Aid right?"
Client - "Yeah so they'll aid me right?"
Me - "Ummm ummm yes"

This little "who is on first" thing went on for about 5 more questions, asking the same thing.

And yes, this is the same client who needed their flow on gmail.

On the steps

As my co-worker and I walked out to go to lunch today there was a girl sitting on the steps leading from the main floor of the shelter up to the second and third floors. The guy in the security office tried telling her to move and when he did she replied with:

Girl: But I fell

Security guy: So, get up and try again

Maybe you had to be here, but thats one of the funnier things I've heard in the past few weeks. I apologize for not keeping you people entertained but it has been incredibly slow around the shelter lately. I realize by saying that we're going to be slammed with work over the next few weeks. Heres to hoping that happens and I get some good material!

Silent Spring

This paper was given to my co-worker this morning by someone who isn't a client of ours but wanted some information. I thought I'd share what this paper said with anyone who comes across this blog. Most of it is typed, some of it is highlighted, and a few things are hand written. I will do my best to let you know what is what - I decided to bold the highlighted parts and italicize the handwritten parts so you could tell the difference. Here goes nothing…



This missive describes criminally motivated strategies & tactics used for self-gain, (economic & material), to manipulate, damage & destroy people that are targeted. Organizational-Unity, stealth, duplicity, Bribery, Blackmail, && Coercion (creating divisiveness in a community context) & Subliminal Suggestions statements spoken to a person when they are asleep to psychologically control them when awake, also, to make on DEFENSELESS at critical moment in an altercation, IMPULSE-FORM: Loss of equillbrim/ Indifference/ Lack-of-confidence/ Loss P.S.I. power (loss of strength in arm via-throwing a punch) Victim should try again./ Amnesia. I was shot (LEGALLY) with this one, this only works once./ Paralysis: Loss of motor-control. Victim cannot move untill they are touched. One time./ Extreem self centeredness & suicidal. These two psychological states last about 90 seconds. Statements are used as tactic to activate in victim. Writer became aware of Paralysis in a street altercation on 16^th. St. one summer-day yrs. ago while living on the street as a homeless, what is note-worthy, I survived this because the killers arm lost P.S.I. power on the downstroke, the three ft. steel pipe ricochetted off my right temple & right collar-bone, which required six stitches at the Med. Center, I was stitched-up eight times and operated on twice over a period of seven yrs, (taking notes). I only have DIRECT-RELATIONSHIP-VIA REMINISCENCE with the listed psychological & physiological "states". The allegations are my "surmising", eminating at 60 yrs. of age, living within the subject-matter at time of writing.

Major strategies & tactics on an individual if they are targeted: Ostracized from friends, family members, co-workers. Control of social-relationships. Where they eat, what they eat, if they eat. Constipation. (25 grams of fiber a day) one can throw ex-lax away. Anorexia nervosa. "thought to be psychological in origin". It is, Aversion to food. Victum is researched (remember organizational unity) and put under surveillance. I need'nt mention the ways of "surveillance", reader. Socialization tactics are used. One of the group will insinuate themselves into the victims life-style, if possible manipulate the target to be dependent. "Apathy" to house cleaning. Victim can be givin illness's, then provided with private medical care, for a price. Cell-phones can be turned into electronic leash's,. Inferiority complex: this psychological bomb was dropped on the writer on April 20^th, 1976 right after stepping out of a security vehicle (post prison release) at a train station in Sheradon, Ill. Self diminishment & sense of inadequacy. Counter-strategy; Straight-face, conduct self as if nothing was happening In order for this weapon to work, the inducer had to have chosen an event in the victims life as a FIXATION-POINT that would be considered a no no related to the belief-system. Via contemplation one can cure one self, I did.

The installation of wireless tech. (electronic mics. & speakers), in victims sleeping a.o.. Voice-box constriction to prohibit verbal conversation. Emotions Desires delusions. Diarrhea. Victims bowels will turn to water, upon becoming aware of this, constrict sphincter muscle (a.k.a. anus butt-hole) untill toilet is available. The writer does it. The future is up to the reader, via interpretation of this missive. Do what you have to do. your subjective related to any social response of this info. should include remembering whats upon the upper left hand side of this missive, Rachel Garson's "Silent Spring". The mentality that uses this…/MAJOR STRATEGY:!!! "How can we use what we can't prevent." (With prey under surveillance). Whats the next input channel?... THIS IS HOW THEY OPERATE BASED ON EXPERIENCE…

LACK OF:

CONCENTRATION & COMPREHENSION APPLY WILL POWER

TURN CELL PHONE OFF, UNTILL READ IS COMPLETED.



Do you know what all of this means?

George Bush Was A Gangsta

What an interesting day today has turned out to be, all before 11am.

Two clients discussing only God knows what, I couldn't follow the conversation or line of logic. One made a comment about George Bush being a gangsta then said that we now have a "so called black President." I'm still trying to figure that one out.

 

Then we had a client turn in a work verification form last week with sketchy information. My co-worker called the employer who has no record of our client or the "manager" listed on the verification as being employees of the company. By my co-worker confronting the about it he called the client a liar. Vague threats of violence were in the conversation and all I could do was watch, every time I tried to say something I got cut off.

I just heard a client telling another random guy who comes in our office something. We have all the rules up in the office and this guy isn't a client but was in here, she told him the rules then said that "Joy in Helping the People" is what JHP stands for. I think we should use it 

The next few things happened after lunch.

Client 1: "I got some stuff to sell, you wanna buy?"

Client 2: "You don't do that in here, you do that next door in the hood. This is the suburbs, JHP is the burbs."

Quite possibly the best way someone could curse was the way this lady who just got kicked out (I think she was kicked out) did. "Motha Fulka" complete with a thick southern drawl, even thicker than I can have when I spend too much time in Louisiana. She kept repeating it over and over and telling one of the security guys to "stay do yo job" cause "when I come back Imma beat yo motha fulka ass." Apparently this whole ordeal was over her changing channels on the tv.

That's all I got today, enjoy!

More of a rant than anything funny

I work in a large homeless shelter and they always have volunteers here doing something. I work pretty closely with a group of volunteers who are here everyday assisting with online applications, writing resumes, teaching computer skills, and other various things related to gaining employment and being self sufficient. Those are the volunteers that rock...the volunteers here right now are cleaning the walls and floors. What do I have to do to get 15 random high school/college kids to come clean my place for free? This is a homeless shelter, a place where people live for free...don't you think maybe THEY should be the ones cleaning this place? All summer we'll see volunteer groups come in and clean, thats it. They'll spend a few hours with some mops, scrub brushes, and brooms and clean the walls and floors. Really? Come on...you really aren't doing anything that the residents couldn't do themselves. I mean I work 5 days a week and have an active social life and still manage to clean my own house. I think the least the residents could do is maintain their own living areas and common areas.

ok end rant, I'm particularly chatty today...

If only I were a betting woman

A few weeks ago I helped a client write their resume. The first draft of the resume was two paragraphs in all caps with very little spacing. I refused to print this draft of the resume and made the client retype it into a resume template. The second draft wasn't much better but it was a battle I didn't want to have so I gave the client the resume as it was, it wasn't that bad but it wasn't great, I figured better to take baby steps with this person than argue and get nowhere fast. After we finished the resume a little exchange happened and this is what it was:
Client: "My resume looks good, it looks better than yours"
Me: "ok"
Client: "I bet I could get a job before you can get another one"
Me: "I'm not betting you"
Client: "I bet I could"
Me: "Good thing for you I'm not looking"

Fast forward to today - I'm outside smoking a cigarette minding my own business when some random guy walks up to me and we have this conversation:
Man: "Hey baby, you tryin to work?"
Me: "No I have a job, thank you"
Man: "But baby I could put you to work right now"
Me: "No thank you"
Man: "But baby you look mighty fine with your tattoos, you sure you not tryin to work?"
Me: "NO!"

I wish I were a betting woman so I could find the client I helped with the resume and tell him he owes me, I totally could've gotten another job before he found one.

Friday Funnies

"Somehow the technology of you all messed up my gmail password"

"I turnt in a application to someone, I gotta reestablish my frequency"

"Bacterial diseases with two e's diseasees"

"Bacterial diseases that's a disease you can see and smell in the air, you know that? You ain't know that, I made that up!"

"All my life I been growin up to be a meat cutter"

Said to me by a client: "You are lookin' cute in that hat. Nah I'm just kiddin', I'm just sayin' that because you got my resume."

Gee thanks, I appreciate the compliment.

 

And that folks was all from the last hour and a half at work today.

 

Happy Friday!

Testing

Testing the upload from word to the blog

"Jesus is like a magician, he can turn things into other things."

Welcome to my blog. I am going to start with a basic boring entry so everyone out there knows just who I am and why I'm writing this blog. So with that said, here goes nothing.

I'm an employee of a non-profit in Washington, DC that works very closely with the homeless population. More specifically I am a Program Manager at a day program that assists homeless adults in finding employment and affordable housing. This is important because I will be blogging about the things I see and hear around my place of employment as well as the city.

The contents of this blog are not meant to make fun of what I hear but to share some of the unbelievable things I hear with everyone else. I find myself hearing and seeing things most of my friends who don't work with me would never believe. I can't think of a day in the last two years that something funny, outrageous, vulgar, or shameless (or some combination of those) hasn't happened at work.

Now that all of that has been said and we are clear about what is being blogged about here, my reason for doing so. I have got to share these stories as they happen with my friends who I don't see everyday and anyone else who stumbles around and wants to know what it is really like at work. I'll probably be making entries that are very short, sometimes with just the key phrases heard or very short descriptions of what took place. I can't tell you names, ages, race, or anything identifying the person I'm talking about. I do hope that everyone who reads this will add their comments, questions, concerns, or criticisms. Don't be shy about it, you'll find out my client's aren't shy about what they say!

By the way, the title for this post is a quote heard in the office this week. Don't worry, that client has given much more than that gem and you'll see more of their ramblings later I'm sure.